what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
