it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
