Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
