Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
