only if we run a train.
done.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize