you guys were way drunker than both of me
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize