Yo dont text me then not text me
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
