She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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