Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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