covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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