Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
