why didn't you poke me back
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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