I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
