i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
