I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
