I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
