i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize