Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
