just tell him i said nine months
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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