she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
