apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
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