hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
