he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
