i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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