I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
