she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
