Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
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