I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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