why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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