Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
