Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
COCAINE IS GR8
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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