did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
