Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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