The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
