I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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