ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize