i just google imaged poop.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
