so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
