Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize