No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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