But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
