i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
