I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
