I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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