So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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