Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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