he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
