Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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