So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
