john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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