Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
