We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
