and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
