After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
jump out the window naked night went bad
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
