Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
