You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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