A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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