last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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