It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
