you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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