And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
