I wish I could punch you in the face.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
