I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
