I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
