Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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