Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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